The hippie

She was inappropriate from the start. She rocked up to the cocktail party in this stretchy lycra ensemble with a denim vest as garnish. Everyone else was in blazers, jackets or suits. She was a hippie. No doubt about it.

The dinner began, we were all seated. The speeches were boring, the starter was average. And for the fifth time, no I will not be drinking wine this evening, but yes, my Chinese is impressive, isn't it.

One thought kept gnawing at me like the buzz of a mosquito in the ear. The presenter's dress needed steaming. A good thorough steam at that and I would gladly do it there and then. Back to reality. The speeches were still going. The whole event was a self-congratulatory cult of personality. Mr Brown (or the German equivalent) would get up on stage at every opportunity and give himself a pat on the back. Oh well done you, what a fabulous event.

Then it was the performances. Apparently those who work in the textile industry are unable to entertain themselves over the course of a dinner, or hold a perfectly reasonable conversation, and so, must be provided with distractions at all times.

They'd asked participants from the exhibition to make 15 minute presentations. There was a witty, dry-humoured British speech. There was a cheesy, we-need-the-audience-to-participate Chinese game show and last but far from least, there was the hippie.

She was American. She was dressed in that stretchy lycra ensemble and that denim vest, all the more garish and offensive in the bright lights on stage. Her performance was spectacular - it began with slow swaying to Chinese pop, and a quick singalong so everyone would know she spoke Chinese. It progressed onto the whipping out of a violin. I have no idea where she'd been keeping it but it wasn't there, and then it was and all of a sudden she's playing, and she's still swaying, and swaying and playing. It was bewildering and far from the end. She had something to say. Forget about staying hungry, and forget about staying foolish. This is all you need in life:

"My first passion is China. My second passion is cotton. And cotton is music".

And that concluded her speech [followed by 5 minutes of literally prancing around the stage like it were a catwalk].
In the words of a wise British man "I think the woman's nuts". Unfortunately, the German thought "she was qvaiiight guuud".